Category Archives: Attitude

Suicide Is The Most Misunderstood of All | Hughie Bagnell

Suicide Is The Most Misunderstood of All

“Living in Exile”

Death is always painful, but its pains are compounded considerably if its cause is suicide. When a suicide occurs, we aren’t just left with the loss of a person, we’re also left with a legacy of anger, second-guessing and fearful anxiety.

Suicide is the most misunderstood of all | www.HughieBagnell.net | Hughie BagnellChristopher Bagnell, Age 20, Victim of Suicide January 5, 2016 – Son

So each year, I write a column on suicide, hoping that it might produce more understanding around the issue and, in a small way perhaps, offer some consolation to those who have lost a loved one to this dreadful disease.

Essentially, I say the same things each year because they need to be said. As Margaret Atwood once put it, some things need to be said and said and said again, until they don’t need to be said any more. That’s true of suicide.

“What needs to be said, and said again, about it?”

First of all that it’s a disease and perhaps the most misunderstood of all diseases.

Suicide is the most misunderstood of all | www.HughieBagnell.net | Hughie Bagnell

Michael Bagnell, Age 60, Victim of Suicide April 9, 2016 – Brother

We tend to think that if a death is self-inflicted it is voluntary in a way that death through physical illness or accident is not. For most suicides, this isn’t true. A person who falls victim to suicide dies, as does the victim of a terminal illness or fatal accident, not by his or her own choice. When people die from heart attacks, strokes, cancer, AIDS and accidents, they die against their will. The same is true of suicide, except that in the case of suicide the breakdown is emotional rather physical —- an emotional stroke, an emotional cancer, a breakdown of the emotional immune system, an emotional fatality.

This is not an analogy. The two kinds of heart attacks, strokes, cancers, breakdowns of the immune system, and fatal accidents are identical in that, in neither case is the person leaving this world on the basis of a voluntary decision of his or her own will. In both cases, the person is taken out of life against his or her own will. That’s why we speak of someone as a “victim” of suicide.

Given this fact, we should not worry unduly about the eternal salvation of a suicide victim, believing (as we used to) that suicide is always an act of ultimate despair. God is infinitely more understanding than we are and God’s hands are infinitely safer and more gentle than our own. Imagine a loving mother having just given birth, welcoming her child on to her breast for the first time. That, I believe, is the best image we have available to understand how a suicide victim (most often an overly sensitive soul) is received into the next life. 

Again, this isn’t an analogy. God is infinitely more understanding, loving and motherly than any mother on earth. We need not worry about the fate of anyone, no matter the cause of death, who exits this world honest, over-sensitive, gentle, over-wrought and emotionally crushed. God’s understanding and compassion exceed our own. 

“Knowing all of this, however, doesn’t necessarily take away our pain (and anger) at losing someone to suicide. Faith and understanding aren’t meant to take our pain away, but to give us hope, vision, and support as we walk within it.”

Finally, we should not unduly second-guess when we lose a loved one to suicide. 

“What might I have done? Where did I let this person down? If only I had been there? What if . . .?”

Suicide is the most misunderstood of all | www.HughieBagnell.net | HughieBagnellIt can be too easy to be haunted by the thought: “If only I’d been there at the right time.” Rarely would this have made a difference. Indeed, most of the time, we weren’t there for the exact reason that the person who fell victim to this disease did not want us to be there. He or she picked the moment, the spot and the means precisely so that we wouldn’t be there. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that suicide is a disease that picks its victim precisely in such a way so as to exclude others and their attentiveness. This should not be an excuse for insensitivity, especially for those suffering from dangerous depression, but it should be a healthy check against false guilt and fruitless second-guessing. 

We’re human beings, not God. People die of illness and accidents all the time and all the love and attentiveness in the world aften cannot prevent a loved one from dying.

“Suicide is a sickness and there are some sicknesses that all the care and love in the world cannot cure.”

A proper human and faith response to suicide should not be horror, fear for the victim’s eternal salvation, or guilty second-guessing about hoe we failed this person. Suicide is indeed a horrible way to die, but we must understand it (at least in most cases) as a sickness, a disease, an illness, a tragic breakdown within the emotional immune system. And then we must trust in God’s goodness, God’s understanding, God’s power to descend into hell, and God’s power to redeem all things, even death, even death by suicide. 

***Thank you Rev. Ron Rolheiser, OMI. This information is a reprint of an article written by Rev. Rolheiser, OMI.  It was given to me on January 17, 2016; twelve (12) days after my son, Chris, became a victim of suicide. Rev. Rolheiser’s words have been a valuable resource in my recovery process and journey! 

Yours sincerely,

Hughie Bagnell

Suicide is the most misunderstood of all | www.hughiebagnell.net | HughieBagnell

What is Friendship? | Hughie Bagnell

We Need Friends to Win!

We need friends to win. We need friends to speak well of us to others. We need friends to stand by us and to believe in us. We need friends to point out our shortcomings and show us how we can improve ourselves. We need friends to inspire us. We need friends who use their influence to help us succeed.

The best way to have friends is to be one. “If you see a friend slipping away from you,” wrote David Grayson, “stop whatever you are doing and bring him/her back, for friendship is one thing you cannot afford to be without.”

Hughie Bagnell | www.HughieBagnell.netAristotle described philia as loyalty to friends, family, and community, requiring virtue, equality, and familiarity. Philia, symbolizes brotherly love; like Philadelphia, “the City of Brotherly Love”, the love between true friends.

True friends are trustworthy, maintaining all confidences shared with unimpeachable honor and self-respect, knowing that gossip separates the best of friends. True friends appreciate one another, encouraging, serving, and believing in one another’s talents and gifts. True friends celebrate one another’s success, proud of each other’s accomplishments without a hint of envy.

Barbara Colorosa, in her parenting classic, states; “Kids are Worth it!” I believe, as well; “Friends are Worth it!”

Your Dreams are Worth It,
Power Packed Mentoring

Hughie Bagnell
Personal Development Life Coach

Hughie Bagnell | www.hughiebagnell.net

 

Successful People are Dreamers

Motivation Morning – Triumphant Thursday – November 13, 2014

People with Goals succeed because they know where they are going!

Successful People are Dreamers | www.MotivationMorning.com | Hughie BagnellDreamers never dream of going half way, they are not content with mediocrity and they are not fearful of thinking big, walking the walk, talking the talk and daring to be great.

It is simple, you must decide what you want. This is the first crucial step to being who you want to be and achieving the things you want out of life. Start with solid objectives which are called goals. Your vision and dreams are where you want to go, goals are the how you get there.

Successful People are Dreamers | www.MotivationMorning.com | Hughie Bagnell

 

 

Establish a willingness to work hard and have discipline in your life. This is a necessity, or all of your dreams will never materialize,

Indeed, ‘Successful People are Dreamers’ supported by a strong vision and goals on their journey to success!

 

 

Your Dreams are Worth It,

Entrepreneur Dream Team

Hughie Bagnell
Power Packed Mentoring

Hughie Bagnell | www.hughiebagnell.net

Condition of Your Mind Creates Your Reality

Condition of Your Mind Creates Your Reality

If we believe in a progressive, forward-moving existence with wonderful potential, we will live an interesting life. A big difference between happiness and misery, success and failure, effectiveness and uselessness, cannot be blamed on circumstances or other people.

The condition of your mind creates your reality!

When we Love | www.HughieBagnell.net | Hughie BagnellWhen the pattern of your life is woven around a positive, generous approach to life, people will often react the same way toward you. Our importance to others depends on showing through our actions that we sincerely care about them.

Your Dreams are Worth It,
Entrepreneur Dream Team

Hughie Bagnell
Power Packed Mentoring

Hughie Bagnell | www.hughiebagnell.net

Direct From The Heart

Direct From The Heart

To be liked and appreciated is a natural and deep-seated human desire. So, the experience of getting along well with others is no small matter. It is an important skill that must be mastered if we are to be effective and happy.

Direct From The Heart | www.HughieBagnell.net | HughieBagnellThe gifts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are gifts of a humble and sincere individual and come directly from the heart.

You are sought after if you reflect love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

To Your Success,
Power Packed Mentoring

Hughie Bagnell
Personal Development Life Coach
Internet Marketing Entrepreneur

Hughie Bagnell | www.hughiebagnell.net

Being a Blessing

Being a Blessing

Giving love consciously through thoughts, words, and deeds can help you become your own force-field of love. The gift, the giving, and the receiving can be one harmonious flow of the most powerful force in the universe.

Love given is love received! 

Being a Blessing | www.HughieBagnell.net | Hughie BagnellOften, being a blessing requires nothing more than a word of encouragement and hope to someone who may be experiencing discouragement and despair. A real part of our life’s work may be to help others’ burdens become easier to bear, and what a wonderful awareness to know that as we open ourselves to rich blessings, those blessings flow through the channel of our love to bless and help others.

As you are active in blessing others, they find their burdens easier to bear.

To Your Success,
Power Packed Mentoring

Hughie Bagnell
Personal Development Life Coach
Internet Marketing Entrepreneur

Hughie Bagnell | www.hughiebagnell.net